Breaking news: Beyonce is black. Beyonce turning black shocked an entire nation during the 2016 NFL Super bowl. Out of nowhere, she just turned black on everybody- what gives? She’s well known for her euphoric dance records. Fans are more accustomed to “Single Ladies,” “Baby Boy,” and “Drunk In Love.” How dare she sing about Afros and hot sauce? What is her motive here? She’s definitely a menace that is trying to start a race war with her pop music. Why is she singing and dancing with Black Panthers during Black History Month? This makes no sense to us. Her blackness is so unapologetic; it has become a national crisis in America. Forget poverty, gun control, and student debt – Beyonce’s blackness is the real issue here. Using her platform to talk about cops killing innocent people and children is downright disgusting. That monster!
When America realized Beyonce was black, it was a lot like 9/11. Ask yourself: Where were you when you found out Beyonce was black? This was definitely the deal breaker. Her realization was so offensive; groups are now protesting her. Yes, being black nowadays is such an uncommon thing because black people don’t exist in 2016. We are all racially ambiguous- duh? There is no such thing as prejudice or discrimination- just figments of our imaginations, an incredulous myth that the Black Lives Matter protesters made up, and a result to people being hyper-sensitive all the time. Racism isn’t real, it’s just that, minorities can’t take a joke. Yes, we went there. Being proud of being black, on top of that, is just downright sickening. What kind of message is Beyonce sending to African American children for Christ’s sake? Beyonce must be punished for looking in the mirror and acknowledging her heritage. We can’t have black people being proud of their heritage. Just enough to make you want to throw up, right?
Calm down. We’re only being sarcastic. Beyonce rocks! Don’t compartmentalize Beyonce’s Superbowl performance too much. America is really over-thinking this. It’s just entertainment. Take very deep breaths while watching “Formation”. Beyonce being black isn’t the end of the world. She’s been a black person for a very long time. It’s just your subconscious hadn’t acknowledged it. Her blackness has totally gone unnoticed for years. She was black in that Austin Powers movie. She had an Afro and everything, remember? Beyonce being black isn’t the end of the world after all. It’s just time for us to accept it with open, loving arms and focus on issues that matter, like… the presidential debate? How about focusing our attention on the water crisis in Flint, Michigan? There are so many serious matters in the world today that are more pertinent to protest. Beyonce’s Super bowl performance should be last on that list because it isn’t a national crisis, just a performance. You know artists do that from time to time- exercising their first amendment right of freedom of speech. From a journalistic standpoint, it really wasn’t that newsworthy, just a really great performance. Saturday Night Live took a shot at this controversy too and it’s hilarious. Check it out below.
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