About halfway through scribing Crooked I’s verse on my iPhone, I realized the raptistic savants over at RapGenius probably had already done that… I was right. I had decided to do so because amongst the plethora of “Best Of 2011 Lists” flooding the rap blogosphere, Crooked I might’ve just spit– better later than never– 2011’s “Best Verse”; albeit, in the form of a “freestyle” on a radio show, i.e. not on an actual “song” –but really, what does it matter anyway: California Crooked’s verse was inspiring. Following in the footsteps of our Op-ed on why no group is on Slaughterhouse’s level, be kind to yourself this holiday season and read along while you listen to the verse, a true testament to Crook’s lyrical acumen.
My strap spark at exact targets
I’m snatchin’ up black markets
You whack artists should target your rap argot
I keep my ice chunky, condos and wine country
You know my spine hungry, that mean I’m back starvin’
Back with the tax-fraudin’
Illegals stash in the backyard
And I’m plantin’ my cash garden while the crack harden
I might creep through your quiet house
I tie your spouse down by the couch pullin’ the iron out
While she hidin’ out, she don’t know where the money’s hidin’ out
Gimme the money before I put this iron snout in your lyin’ mouth
I am out my mind when it come to fillin’ up my amounts with fly amounts
Might buy an ounce, flip it to get it
Cause I am bout that life my G
My gun unload, I live by another code
My desirin’ the globe
You thinkin’ that you wanna be the ish cause you fell out your mother’s other hole
Hail Mother, uh uh, no
You don’t think that Crooked I’s hot
Why not? Is it cause my Maybach’s in your blind spot?
I sleep with one eye open like an insomnia-stricken Cyclops
Cause I could rest in that pine box
I’m on so many drinks don’t even count ’em
So high I fall up some stairs instead of down ‘em
So high call that American Airline
Flex put us on to tear up his airtime
You not a legend like John
Move back like his embarrassing hairline, let the heir to the chair shine
Throughout ugliness, the Slaughter’s there with me
It’s all Lovie Smith, my team Bear with me
Still I’m feelin’ like an organ donor, so many people dyin’ to get a part of me
Like I was born with a rare kidney
But come and get me, I leave you down under somewhere in Sydney
A different kind of chopper, I’m still airlifting
See my momma named me Dominick
That’s synonymous with ominous
I’m in this game to show you what drama is
I’m in this game to conquer it
Genghis Khan in this monstrous entourage
What challenger can dodge my barrage?
Look at the DuPont registry: that’s my garage
Convertible Beamer paint blacker than Amistad
Hear the engine noise, I’m ballin’ with different toys and
Still I rap like Kool G when he was spittin’ poison
My pen game is sick: call it penicillin
Since sky’s the limit, this the flow that could kill a ceiling
You guys are gimmicks, hide your women
Crooked’s into Virginia drillin’
The realest women they feel the villain
I’m fill ’em with big pimpin’, even virgins
I lose a leg: I throw a shoe on my third one
Look how easy the words come
I’m the West Coast savior: why you think they yellin’ church when the verse done?
Speakin’ of church, I’m from the city where sinners dwell
Sinister LBC, I came to give ‘em Hell
I’m judgin’ day, I’m judgin’ all you infidels
Sippin’ Zinfandel, my liquor be off the Richter Scale
I’m here to intercept mics like I gotta pick from Vick in the NFL
Live Flamboyant until I’m Big as L
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