*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. YOU REALLY DON’T WANT THIS EPIC HOUR (and 9 minutes) OF TELEVISION TO BE SPOILED***

The episode opens up with contrasting shots of The High Sparrow (who represents the people) and King Tommen (who represents the high born) getting ready for Cersei and Loras’s trial. Loras Tyrell, stripped of his luscious curls and fine clothing kneels before The High Sparrow and renounces his title, land and everything else his high born status comes with and becomes a Scepter of The Seven. He is then marked and promises to never marry or bear children. Coincidentally little children played a large role in the 25 minute opening scene.

The “Little Birds” lured Grand Maester Pycelle to his death, brutally stabbing him. While this was happening another Little Bird was being chased down by Lancel Lannister. This proved to be a poor choice on his part. He consequently was stabbed in the kidney by said bird and then crawled a few feet to discover the diabolical plan Cersei had for The High Sparrow and everyone else at the trial; death by explosion. That’s right. Cersei blew up King’s Landing while she and Tommen remained in the Red Keep. If only The High Sparrow had listened to Margaery, he and his little sparrows, septums and scepters would all still be alive. Cersei’s wrath doesn’t stop there. She kidnaps Septa Unella and water boards her with wine. Cersei then takes the torment up a notch from what she received at the hands of the Septa and unleashes The Mountain upon her. Lord knows what that man-beast will do to her. She exits the room chanting “shame, shame, shame”.

Closing out the opening sequence was a shocking death. King Tommen removes his crown and jumps out the window to his death. Cersei asks for his body to be burned and his ashes spread where his grandfather, brother and sister remain. Cersei then succeeds The Iron Throne as Jamie watches from afar. A hint of disgust, possibly, in his eye?

House Frey also suffered some devastating blows. Walder Frey and his sons were executed curtesy of Arya Stark. The recent Many Faced Man graduate played the part of a young maiden serving Walder his dinner. When he asked the young woman where his sons are, she tells them right here, pointing at the food he is eating. A closer look reveals the finger of one of Walder’s sons. Arya then removes her mask and slits the throat of Walder in the same fashion her mother’s throat was slit during The Red Wedding. Thus making sure the last face he saw was of a Stark.

The Red Wedding was avenged! Hopefully Arya will find her dear Uncle Edmure and release him from his cell.

On a happier note, Samwell, Gilly and baby reach the Citadel and we all catch a glimpse of the library all other libraries dream of being.

In The North a white raven arrived from the Citadel. Winter is finally here. Sir Davos finally caught on about Shireen. Melisandre got banished and was told to ride south by Jon Snow. He also said that if she ever returns she will be hanged for murder. Even more exciting news came from The North in this episode. Lady Mormont being the tough little nugget she is calls out members of The North who failed to back Jon Snow during “The Battle of the Bastards”. After making the old men in the room realize their mistakes she names Jon Snow king of The North and the rest follow suite. However, this wasn’t the most exciting news for our new Warden of The North.

The biggest fan theory in Game of Thrones history has been confirmed! Well at least half confirmed. The Three-Eyed Raven himself, Bran Stark, took us back to the Tower of Joy and showed us Ned Stark discovering his sister Lyanna Stark in a pool of her own blood. She then whispers in his ear and asks him to promise to keep her baby safe. That baby being Jon Snow. So now, finally R+L = J (or, at the very least, x+L = J). Props to the director on the beautiful transition from baby Snow to adult Snow.

She also said the baby’s real name and possibly the biological father’s name which of course was inaudible.

Other members of House Stark also made appearances in this epic finale. Once again Sansa turns down Little Finger and Uncle Benjen leaves Bran and Meera near the wall. We learn that because Benjen is technically half dead he cannot pass through the wall as it is protected by magic; nothing undead can pass through.

Leaving the cold, we head to the more tropical weather of Dorne. Remember that place from one of the first episodes way back in April? Yea it’s still intact after all the carnage and it had two special guests; Lord Varys and Lady Olenna Tyrell. After some shade throwing, Lady Tyrell decides to align with Lord Varys who represents Daenerys and Ellaria Martell to take down Cersei once and for all.

Speaking of Dany and crew, Dany names Tyrion hand of the queen and sets sail to Westeros leaving Daairo behind to take care of Mereen. Varys rejoined the gang just as the episode (and season) closes out with a glorious birds-eye shot of Yara and Theon’s ships and Dany’s dragons.

Let the countdown to next season commence!

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Sansa meets up with the traveling time wizard himself, Little Finger (does he have a G6 somewhere? how does he move so quickly?) and rips him a new one for handing her over to Ramsay. In hopes of keeping his head, Petyr offers up some news regarding The Blackfish aka Uncle Brynden Tully and his army. Just what the Starks need in order to regain Winterfell. Here’s hoping “The North Remembers.”

Arya Stark continues to get beaten with a stick for the 5^th straight episode. She may be suffering from severe neurological damage at this point along with the emotional damage she received this episode after having to watch her family’s tragic end turned into sport. Arya also does some re-con and discovers how to kill Lady Karen and gets some shade tossed her way courtesy of Jaqen H’ghar.

Speaking of shade throwers, Lord Varys was slaying Kinvara left and right. You know it’s bad if Tyrion is trying to reel it in to keep the peace. Kinvara takes a crack at Varys and quickly silences him when she mentions someone speaking to him after his member was thrown into the fire. What we all want to know is who spoke and what did they say? According to the priestess Daenerys is the one who was promised. What about Jon? Melisandre claims he is the one who was promised, although she was wrong before (R.I.P. Stannis). More evidence pointing toward the R+L=J theory. This can’t be just a coincidence. Sidebar — how many people are in this Lord of the Light cult?

Euron Greyjoy returns to claim the Salt Throne going up against his niece Yara. He wins the majority vote and is drowned and revived to become the Salt King. Continuing on his familial murder streak he asks where his niece and nephew are so that he can murder them. Luckily, Yara and Theon escape with a fleet and some back up. Euron then asks all the iron born to build him a fleet of 1,000 ships in hopes to woo Daenerys and make her his bride and simultaneously kill his kin along the way.

The Queen of Mereen finally welcomes back Jorah with open arms only to discover his grayscale. Jorah goes on to tell his Khalessi that he loves her and always will to which she demands he find a cure, heal himself and return to her as she will need him by her side when regains her kingdom.

While on the subject of unrequited love, Tormund’s quest to melt Brienne’s icy exterior continues. He’s got it bad and she knows it.

Damn you Bran! Damn you to hell! Didn’t you ever hear of the saying curiosity gets you marked and all of your friends killed? What in the name of The Seven Gods made you think that:

1. You could touch that tree and warg by yourself?
2. That you should walk toward the army of the dead?
3. That approaching The Night’s King would be smart?

The White Walkers have no chill. They murdered the very people that created them (Leaf & The Children). The Children’s exploding fireballs did not in the least bit phase them, even with Leaf’s I Am Legend style sacrifice. They walked through the flames like:

Not only did Bran get Leaf and all The Children killed, he also got the Three-Eyed Raven slaughtered by The Night’s King and his ice machete. Now Bran is the three-eyed raven. However, this was not the most depressing scene of the night. We now know what Willis was talking about. Hodor = Hold The Door.

Sacrificing himself in hopes to save Bran, Hodor uses his body to barricade the door whilst getting gnawed on by the undead. He died honorably and gracefully without gore. May he rest in peace.

Next time on Game of Thrones:

Bran and Meera are still running, very poorly might I add, from The Night’s King and his army

Samwell returns home

Margaery prepare to purge for her sins

Cersei and Jamie retaliate

Daenerys sets out to take back what is hers

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

As we all know from last week’s episode, Jon Snow is alive and well. At least psychically. Mentally…. Well if you had just risen from the dead, how would you feel? Moments after Jon awakes, Melisandre is already trying to recruit him to be the new, “prince that was promised.” Slow your role girl. You don’t have a good track record in keeping said Prince safe and we just got him back. Jon then gets the best pep talk ever from Davos Seaworth telling him to go out and fail again.

Tyrion was not the only one with superb one-liners in this episode. Tormund Giantsbane jabs at the size of Jon’s “member” in this episode saying, “What kind of God would have a peck that small?” That takes the cake for one-liners thus far in the season. Olenna Tyrell also threw a jab Cersei’s way.

In this episode we saw the return of young, Ned Stark as he fights to get, whom we can only assume is Lyanna Stark, out of a tower. For those that have read the books, this directly correlates with the fan theory R + L = J, as in Lyanna Stark + Prince Rhaegar Targaryen = Jon Snow. This fan theory would mean that Jon isn’t the bastard child of Ned Stark and that he could be the heir to the Iron Throne. Is this the promise that Ned made to Lyanna when she was on her death bed? The second biggest bombshell of this sequence was that Ned Stark was not the swordsman he claimed to be. He didn’t even kill Sir Arthur Dayne. Howland Reed stabbed him in the back, then Ned proceeded to cut his throat. Like Bran, we were all pissed when the Three-Eyed Raven pulled him out of the vision. He quickly whisked young Bran away after he called out to his father, who may or may not have heard him calling his name before he ran into the tower.

Also, returning to the screen was Samwell Tarly. Good to see you old chap! Seasick and all he is in much better shape than Rickon Stark and Osha who were the “gifts” given to Ramsay. R.I.P  Shaggydog. We can only hope and pray they do not meet the same fate as Ramsay’s family. But seeing how he treats his own family, there is not much hope for them.

Daenerys reached The Temple of the Dosh Khaleen (Vaes Dothrak). There she is stripped of her clothing and other belongings and told that by the other widows that the Khal’s are deciding her fate. Stating she would be lucky if they chose to let her live out her days with them, as she did leave the Khal’s and go off into the world on her own, which is forbidden.

Back in Mereen poor Tyrion was left alone with non-drinkers whilst Lord Varys was figuring out who is funding the Son’s of Harpies rebellion; The good masters of Astapor and The wise masters of Yunkai, with the help from their friends in Volantis.

Arya gets her sight back after some more vigorous training.

In the last moments of “Oathbreaker” we see Jon’s murderers receive death by hanging and Jon walk away from the Night’s Watch, ending his watch and leaving Eddison Tollett Castle Black.

On the next Game of Thrones:

• Sansa escapes Winterfell
• The return of Little Finger
• Jorah and Daario reach Vaes Dothrak to rescue Daenerys
• Cersei wants to “help” Margery Tyrell and stop her from having to purge her sins in front of the whole city
• Margery reunites with her brother

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