*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. YOU REALLY DON’T WANT THIS EPIC HOUR (and 9 minutes) OF TELEVISION TO BE SPOILED***

The episode opens up with contrasting shots of The High Sparrow (who represents the people) and King Tommen (who represents the high born) getting ready for Cersei and Loras’s trial. Loras Tyrell, stripped of his luscious curls and fine clothing kneels before The High Sparrow and renounces his title, land and everything else his high born status comes with and becomes a Scepter of The Seven. He is then marked and promises to never marry or bear children. Coincidentally little children played a large role in the 25 minute opening scene.

The “Little Birds” lured Grand Maester Pycelle to his death, brutally stabbing him. While this was happening another Little Bird was being chased down by Lancel Lannister. This proved to be a poor choice on his part. He consequently was stabbed in the kidney by said bird and then crawled a few feet to discover the diabolical plan Cersei had for The High Sparrow and everyone else at the trial; death by explosion. That’s right. Cersei blew up King’s Landing while she and Tommen remained in the Red Keep. If only The High Sparrow had listened to Margaery, he and his little sparrows, septums and scepters would all still be alive. Cersei’s wrath doesn’t stop there. She kidnaps Septa Unella and water boards her with wine. Cersei then takes the torment up a notch from what she received at the hands of the Septa and unleashes The Mountain upon her. Lord knows what that man-beast will do to her. She exits the room chanting “shame, shame, shame”.

Closing out the opening sequence was a shocking death. King Tommen removes his crown and jumps out the window to his death. Cersei asks for his body to be burned and his ashes spread where his grandfather, brother and sister remain. Cersei then succeeds The Iron Throne as Jamie watches from afar. A hint of disgust, possibly, in his eye?

House Frey also suffered some devastating blows. Walder Frey and his sons were executed curtesy of Arya Stark. The recent Many Faced Man graduate played the part of a young maiden serving Walder his dinner. When he asked the young woman where his sons are, she tells them right here, pointing at the food he is eating. A closer look reveals the finger of one of Walder’s sons. Arya then removes her mask and slits the throat of Walder in the same fashion her mother’s throat was slit during The Red Wedding. Thus making sure the last face he saw was of a Stark.

The Red Wedding was avenged! Hopefully Arya will find her dear Uncle Edmure and release him from his cell.

On a happier note, Samwell, Gilly and baby reach the Citadel and we all catch a glimpse of the library all other libraries dream of being.

In The North a white raven arrived from the Citadel. Winter is finally here. Sir Davos finally caught on about Shireen. Melisandre got banished and was told to ride south by Jon Snow. He also said that if she ever returns she will be hanged for murder. Even more exciting news came from The North in this episode. Lady Mormont being the tough little nugget she is calls out members of The North who failed to back Jon Snow during “The Battle of the Bastards”. After making the old men in the room realize their mistakes she names Jon Snow king of The North and the rest follow suite. However, this wasn’t the most exciting news for our new Warden of The North.

The biggest fan theory in Game of Thrones history has been confirmed! Well at least half confirmed. The Three-Eyed Raven himself, Bran Stark, took us back to the Tower of Joy and showed us Ned Stark discovering his sister Lyanna Stark in a pool of her own blood. She then whispers in his ear and asks him to promise to keep her baby safe. That baby being Jon Snow. So now, finally R+L = J (or, at the very least, x+L = J). Props to the director on the beautiful transition from baby Snow to adult Snow.

She also said the baby’s real name and possibly the biological father’s name which of course was inaudible.

Other members of House Stark also made appearances in this epic finale. Once again Sansa turns down Little Finger and Uncle Benjen leaves Bran and Meera near the wall. We learn that because Benjen is technically half dead he cannot pass through the wall as it is protected by magic; nothing undead can pass through.

Leaving the cold, we head to the more tropical weather of Dorne. Remember that place from one of the first episodes way back in April? Yea it’s still intact after all the carnage and it had two special guests; Lord Varys and Lady Olenna Tyrell. After some shade throwing, Lady Tyrell decides to align with Lord Varys who represents Daenerys and Ellaria Martell to take down Cersei once and for all.

Speaking of Dany and crew, Dany names Tyrion hand of the queen and sets sail to Westeros leaving Daairo behind to take care of Mereen. Varys rejoined the gang just as the episode (and season) closes out with a glorious birds-eye shot of Yara and Theon’s ships and Dany’s dragons.

Let the countdown to next season commence!

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

As we saw in the previous episode, “No One” Mereen is under fire from the Masters who have returned to the city to reclaim their slaves. Luckily for the citizens of Mereen Daenerys has returned with Drogon to protect her people. After trying to handle the situation with the Masters calmly and peacefully to no avail, Daenerys is forced to take action. She climbs on top of Drogon and flies out to the Master’s fleet of ships with Rhaegal and Viserion by their side torching ships until they are abandoned by their crew. On the ground Daario and the Dothraki descend upon the Sons of Harpy.

The main course of “Battle of the Bastards” took place in Winterfell. Here Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton came face to face. Ramsay took the cake for one-liners in this episode, claiming he was a man of mercy. That may have been the first time I laughed because he said something funny and not out of being uncomfortable when he was on screen. Sansa also threw some shade Ramsay’s way. I am really loving this strong and confident version of this character. Winterfell also broke some bad news for Sir Davos Seaworth. He discovered the wooden toy he handmade for Shireen whilst walking through the battle field. Poor, poor Davos. This scene broke my heart.

After the battle in Mereen ceased, Yara and Theon Greyjoy reach the city and strike a deal with Daenerys. Yara will make her people give up their current way of life, recognize Daenerys as the true Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and give 100 ships to help Daenerys set sail to Westeros. In return she will receive the Salt Throne and regain control of the Iron Islands. Oh and she will get help murdering her uncle Euron Greyjoy. Can’t forget that important detail.

Back in Winterfell the battle for the North has just begun. Ramsay starts off the battle with a quick game. He sets Rickon free and tells him to run to Jon, shooting arrows at the young Stark as he sprints to his brother. Just as Jon is about to reach his little brother Ramsay nails Rickon in the chest with an arrow, igniting Jon with tremendous fury. Someone should have told this kid to zig zag and not run directly in a straight line. Ramsay then sends his first line of cavalry charging at Jon. Just when you think it is all over for our favorite bastard, Jon’s men come to the rescue.

#Whenyourfriendshaveyourback:

via GIPHY

The slicing and dicing continues until Jon and his men are surrounded and trapped by dead bodies. Ramsay’s men then go on to play an extreme version of red rover with Jon’s men. Backed into a corner by house Bolton, the men are forced to climb onto the dead bodies. Jon unfortunately is caught in the stampede of men and is trampled upon. Luckily he is able to escape and comes up for air just in time to see Lord Petyr Baelish (aka Little Finger) and Sansa arrive with back up via the Knights of the Vale. Ramsay being the coward he is, retreats back to the castle after his men are bested. This refuge doesn’t last long, especially when you have a door-breaking giant on your side. Not wanting to look even more cowardly Ramsay agrees to a one-on-one combat match with Jon and begins firing arrows at him. Jon deflects, reaches Ramsay and begins to pummel his face. Winterfell is once again under the Stark’s reign.

By far the best part of this episode came from a combination of straight up karma and Sansa Stark. Ramsay is being held in the same holding cell where he murdered his stepmother and baby brother. After Sansa exchanges a few stern and sharp words with Ramsay she releases his hounds to feast upon him. I was praying she would murder him with her own hands but this was even better. Ramsay should have fed his hounds sooner and maybe they wouldn’t have devoured him so violently. That first snag of his face will forever haunt me. Nom, nom goodbye Ramsay!

Sansa’s character was a badass in this episode. She really stood her own ground and wasn’t afraid to put anyone in their place. This is not the same girl from earlier this season. She has really come a long way and I for one cannot wait to see what Sansa can do in the coming seasons.

On the season finale of Game of Thrones:

*this episode will be extended by 6 minutes!

Cersei and Loras’s trial

Houses Frey and Lannister celebrate victory

Petyr Baelish (Little Finger) is back to his old ways aka trying to get some from Sansa

Davos confronts Melisandre

Daenerys is “in the great game now”

Bran and possibly White Walkers????

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No one was safe in Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones. “I choose violence” was the slogan for this week’s episode of Thrones. It was practically the only theme in “No One”, granted there were a few clips of comic relief courtesy of Tyrion and Bronn. Tyrion also let us in on what he wants to be when he grows up; a vineyard owner. His wine would be called The Imp’s Delight. Who wouldn’t buy that? HBO if you are not already on this, first off shame on you and secondly give me a call and we’ll get this ball rolling.

*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. I mean unless you like spoilers…***

Heads were rolling freely in this week’s Thrones. The Clegane brothers were both back in action, slaying the day away. The Hound chose to use an axe to brutalize and decapitate his enemies while his brother, The Mountain, opted to use his bare hands, which was freaking awesome by the way!

Back in Braavos Arya weak and bleeding, made her way back to Lady Crane who helped heal Arya’s wounds. Unfortunately this would prove to be fatal for the Lady as she is murdered by Waif mere hours after dressing Arya’s wounds. Arya and Waif then play a short game of cat and mouse only for Arya to kill her and walk away victorious. Arya then heads back to the House of Black and White and confronts Jaqen H’ghar where she learns she has finally become no one. She turns the table on Jaqen H’ghar and tells him she is not no one. She is Arya Stark from Winterfell and she is going home.

Speaking of going home, Lord Varys sets sail for Westeros and Daenerys returns to Mereen just in the nick of time. The masters have sailed to Mereen to reclaim their slaves, burning down everything in their path.

At King’s Landing King Tommen delivers the biggest slap in the face to his own mother by banishing trail by combat, calling the practice barbaric and cowardly. Instead he informs Cersei and everyone else in the room that Cersei and Lancel will stand trial by seven septums like how it was back in the olden days.

Cersei’s face after hearing the announcement:

via GIPHY

Riverrun was no walk in the park either. #pooredmure

As predicted Edmure regained control of The Castle at Riverrun and ordered his men to stand down. This did not sit well with Blackfish, who according to one of Jamie’s men, died fighting. As we all know well by now, if a character is not killed on screen then there is a chance that character is not actually dead. Only time will tell.

Podrick and Brienne also join the ranks at Riverrun. Podrick received some fighting lessons from Bronn while Brienne shared some sweet moments with Jamie. In hopes to not have to battle Jamie and defend Sansa’s kin, Brienne attempted to persuade Blackfish to hand over the castle to Jamie. He flat out refuses but helps ensure that Podrick and Brienne are able to escape the castle safely.

Next on Game of Thrones:

Jon and his army take on the Bolton’s to regain the North.

Can you believe there are only two episodes left? Where does the time go?

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Uncle Benjen Stark is back from his long walk and no longer M.I.A. He was summoned by the Three-Eyed Raven aka Bran, but how? Do these mystical powers run in the Stark family or is Benjen somehow linked to the Three-Eyed Raven because The Children saved him from turning into a White Walker? What else was good ole Ben up to this whole time? Will he be the one to train Bran and prepare him for the ultimate battle against The Night’s King and his army? So many questions and not enough answers.

Holy awkward family reunion. Poor Sam and Gilly. Not only did his father, Randyll Tarly, talk down to his eldest son but also verbally abused Gilly right in front of the whole family. Gilly’s pride in Sam’s accomplishments were no match for his father’s disappointment and borderline hate for his son. However, Sam’s mother took action, sticking up for her dearest Sam and escorting the women from the table. Randyll then told Sam he had until first light to leave his home, but the baby and Gilly would be taken care of. After Gilly expressed to Sam that he is nothing like his father says, it ignites a fire in him. He decides to take action grabbing his family and his father’s sheath and leaves his family’s estate.

Back at The House of Black and White, Arya Stark is once again faced with the task of poisoning Lady Karen. She does pour the poison into her rum but just in the nick of time returns to smash it out of her hand and lets Lady Karen know her fellow actress is out to get her. Unfortunately for Arya, this proved to be a grave mistake. Waif is now tasked with killing Arya. Thankfully Arya dug up needle before going to sleep. She better sleep with one eye open if she knows what is good for her.

The Lannister and Tyrell plot to take down The High Sparrow and regain Margaery and Loras Tyrell was foiled by none other than Tommen Baratheon himself. Young Tommen declared his devotion to serve the Seven Gods and in exchange Margaery did not have to take the walk of atonement. To add insult to injury, the King then removed his own father, Jamie Lannister, from the Kings Guard and banished him from King’s Landing.

Speaking of releases from prison, another Stark uncle returns to the screen. Lord Edmure Tully is released by Walder Frey in hopes to regain Riverrun from Blackfish. For those that don’t remember, Edmure married one of Frey’s daughters during the “Red Wedding” and as the heir to Riverrun, can put House of Frey back in control of said castle. Pitting brother against brother may not be the best course of action, but it seems Edmure may be inclined to lean more toward helping the Frey’s in fear of being on the receiving end of more torture. We shall see.

Once again Daenerys is on the road back to Mereen and plotting a course to Westeros.  She and Daario determine that they will need at least 1,000 ships to get the Queen and her army of Khal to Westeros. Euron Greyjoy is jumping up and down somewhere in the distance. Drogon, who really needs to stop growing or he may obliterate GOT’s VFX budget, returns to his mother, which in turn fires up the Khal to follow their Khalessi into a war to regain the iron throne.

However, there is a bigger war coming. Time to stock up on the obsidian (dragons glass) and prepare for the epic showdown between the Three-Eyed Raven and the Night’s King and his army of White Walkers. Will we see this showdown this season? Probably not, but one can dream.

Next Week:

Jamie meets Blackfish

Olenna Tyrell and Cersei face off…. Again

Jon and Sansa make moves

Yara and Theon plot to take back the Iron Islands

The Wildlings join Jon’s quest to take back The North

Davos Seaworth knows what’s up… The Dead are coming

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Sansa meets up with the traveling time wizard himself, Little Finger (does he have a G6 somewhere? how does he move so quickly?) and rips him a new one for handing her over to Ramsay. In hopes of keeping his head, Petyr offers up some news regarding The Blackfish aka Uncle Brynden Tully and his army. Just what the Starks need in order to regain Winterfell. Here’s hoping “The North Remembers.”

Arya Stark continues to get beaten with a stick for the 5^th straight episode. She may be suffering from severe neurological damage at this point along with the emotional damage she received this episode after having to watch her family’s tragic end turned into sport. Arya also does some re-con and discovers how to kill Lady Karen and gets some shade tossed her way courtesy of Jaqen H’ghar.

Speaking of shade throwers, Lord Varys was slaying Kinvara left and right. You know it’s bad if Tyrion is trying to reel it in to keep the peace. Kinvara takes a crack at Varys and quickly silences him when she mentions someone speaking to him after his member was thrown into the fire. What we all want to know is who spoke and what did they say? According to the priestess Daenerys is the one who was promised. What about Jon? Melisandre claims he is the one who was promised, although she was wrong before (R.I.P. Stannis). More evidence pointing toward the R+L=J theory. This can’t be just a coincidence. Sidebar — how many people are in this Lord of the Light cult?

Euron Greyjoy returns to claim the Salt Throne going up against his niece Yara. He wins the majority vote and is drowned and revived to become the Salt King. Continuing on his familial murder streak he asks where his niece and nephew are so that he can murder them. Luckily, Yara and Theon escape with a fleet and some back up. Euron then asks all the iron born to build him a fleet of 1,000 ships in hopes to woo Daenerys and make her his bride and simultaneously kill his kin along the way.

The Queen of Mereen finally welcomes back Jorah with open arms only to discover his grayscale. Jorah goes on to tell his Khalessi that he loves her and always will to which she demands he find a cure, heal himself and return to her as she will need him by her side when regains her kingdom.

While on the subject of unrequited love, Tormund’s quest to melt Brienne’s icy exterior continues. He’s got it bad and she knows it.

Damn you Bran! Damn you to hell! Didn’t you ever hear of the saying curiosity gets you marked and all of your friends killed? What in the name of The Seven Gods made you think that:

1. You could touch that tree and warg by yourself?
2. That you should walk toward the army of the dead?
3. That approaching The Night’s King would be smart?

The White Walkers have no chill. They murdered the very people that created them (Leaf & The Children). The Children’s exploding fireballs did not in the least bit phase them, even with Leaf’s I Am Legend style sacrifice. They walked through the flames like:

Not only did Bran get Leaf and all The Children killed, he also got the Three-Eyed Raven slaughtered by The Night’s King and his ice machete. Now Bran is the three-eyed raven. However, this was not the most depressing scene of the night. We now know what Willis was talking about. Hodor = Hold The Door.

Sacrificing himself in hopes to save Bran, Hodor uses his body to barricade the door whilst getting gnawed on by the undead. He died honorably and gracefully without gore. May he rest in peace.

Next time on Game of Thrones:

Bran and Meera are still running, very poorly might I add, from The Night’s King and his army

Samwell returns home

Margaery prepare to purge for her sins

Cersei and Jamie retaliate

Daenerys sets out to take back what is hers

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Welcome back Little Finger aka Petyr Baelish and his equally creepy nephew Robin Arryn (seriously this kid has some issues. Always wanting to throw people out of the moon door). Lord Baelish enlists the help of said nephew to send the Knights of the Veil to rescue Sansa from the Bolton’s.

Back at Castle Black, Sansa is reunited with Jon and we get a handful of really sweet brother/sister moments. Sansa then spends most of her time with Jon trying to convince him to gather the Wildlings and take the North back from Ramsay and his army. At first Jon flat out says no. He has done his fair share of fighting and doesn’t want to do it anymore. That is until a letter from Ramsay reaches Jon and stating that Ramsay is holding the youngest Stark, Rickon, hostage in his dungeon. The letter then goes on to describe how Ramsay will defile Sansa and all the Wildling women and children that are under his protection if Jon does not return his bride. Also did anyone else catch the sexual tension between Brienne of Tarth and Tormund Giantsbane?

Ramsay got a new toy in this episode. Just kidding. That b**** is dead. R.I.P. Osha.

Speaking of Ramsay’s former toys, Theon Greyjoy rejoined his iron-born brethren, although Yara was less than welcoming to her brother. Granted she thought he had only come to claim the salt throne. Continuing on the road to redemption Theon sets out to help his sister claim the salt throne.

House Tyrell and Lannister team up to save Margery and Loras from having to purge their sins in front of all of King’s Landing. Olenna Tyrell must be real desperate in order to accept help from Cersei and Jamie.

Soaking up the sun in Mereen, Tyrion makes a deal with the slave masters in Daenerys’ absence giving them 7 years to completely abolish slavery in exchange for their compliance in no longer funding the Sons of Harpy. This causes issues with Grey Worm, Missandei and the locals who are eagerly awaiting their Queen’s return.

Jorah and Daario locate Daenerys at The Temple of the Dosh Khaleen (Vaes Dothrak). They attempt a rescue after a short lived pissing match. When the two reach Daenerys, she sets an even bigger play into motion turning her trial in front of the Khal’s into a barbeque. The Mother of Dragons exits the temple unharmed and new ruler of the Dothraki. Who run the world? Daenerys!

I am left with some burning questions after Sunday’s episode:

Will the Knights of the Veil join Sansa, Jon and the Wildlings on their quest to regain the north? Are there still families in the north loyal to the Starks? Will we see more action and less exposition anytime soon?

Next week:

WHITE WALKERS & THE NIGHT’S KING!!!!!! YAHHHHHHHSSSSSS!!!!! — Hopefully this isn’t just a vision via our favorite warg Bran Stark

Not that these other clips matter but….

Sansa confronts Little Finger

Arya begins the work of the many-faced men

Yara claims the Salt Throne

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

As we all know from last week’s episode, Jon Snow is alive and well. At least psychically. Mentally…. Well if you had just risen from the dead, how would you feel? Moments after Jon awakes, Melisandre is already trying to recruit him to be the new, “prince that was promised.” Slow your role girl. You don’t have a good track record in keeping said Prince safe and we just got him back. Jon then gets the best pep talk ever from Davos Seaworth telling him to go out and fail again.

Tyrion was not the only one with superb one-liners in this episode. Tormund Giantsbane jabs at the size of Jon’s “member” in this episode saying, “What kind of God would have a peck that small?” That takes the cake for one-liners thus far in the season. Olenna Tyrell also threw a jab Cersei’s way.

In this episode we saw the return of young, Ned Stark as he fights to get, whom we can only assume is Lyanna Stark, out of a tower. For those that have read the books, this directly correlates with the fan theory R + L = J, as in Lyanna Stark + Prince Rhaegar Targaryen = Jon Snow. This fan theory would mean that Jon isn’t the bastard child of Ned Stark and that he could be the heir to the Iron Throne. Is this the promise that Ned made to Lyanna when she was on her death bed? The second biggest bombshell of this sequence was that Ned Stark was not the swordsman he claimed to be. He didn’t even kill Sir Arthur Dayne. Howland Reed stabbed him in the back, then Ned proceeded to cut his throat. Like Bran, we were all pissed when the Three-Eyed Raven pulled him out of the vision. He quickly whisked young Bran away after he called out to his father, who may or may not have heard him calling his name before he ran into the tower.

Also, returning to the screen was Samwell Tarly. Good to see you old chap! Seasick and all he is in much better shape than Rickon Stark and Osha who were the “gifts” given to Ramsay. R.I.P  Shaggydog. We can only hope and pray they do not meet the same fate as Ramsay’s family. But seeing how he treats his own family, there is not much hope for them.

Daenerys reached The Temple of the Dosh Khaleen (Vaes Dothrak). There she is stripped of her clothing and other belongings and told that by the other widows that the Khal’s are deciding her fate. Stating she would be lucky if they chose to let her live out her days with them, as she did leave the Khal’s and go off into the world on her own, which is forbidden.

Back in Mereen poor Tyrion was left alone with non-drinkers whilst Lord Varys was figuring out who is funding the Son’s of Harpies rebellion; The good masters of Astapor and The wise masters of Yunkai, with the help from their friends in Volantis.

Arya gets her sight back after some more vigorous training.

In the last moments of “Oathbreaker” we see Jon’s murderers receive death by hanging and Jon walk away from the Night’s Watch, ending his watch and leaving Eddison Tollett Castle Black.

On the next Game of Thrones:

• Sansa escapes Winterfell
• The return of Little Finger
• Jorah and Daario reach Vaes Dothrak to rescue Daenerys
• Cersei wants to “help” Margery Tyrell and stop her from having to purge her sins in front of the whole city
• Margery reunites with her brother

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