*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. YOU REALLY DON’T WANT THIS EPIC HOUR (and 9 minutes) OF TELEVISION TO BE SPOILED***

The episode opens up with contrasting shots of The High Sparrow (who represents the people) and King Tommen (who represents the high born) getting ready for Cersei and Loras’s trial. Loras Tyrell, stripped of his luscious curls and fine clothing kneels before The High Sparrow and renounces his title, land and everything else his high born status comes with and becomes a Scepter of The Seven. He is then marked and promises to never marry or bear children. Coincidentally little children played a large role in the 25 minute opening scene.

The “Little Birds” lured Grand Maester Pycelle to his death, brutally stabbing him. While this was happening another Little Bird was being chased down by Lancel Lannister. This proved to be a poor choice on his part. He consequently was stabbed in the kidney by said bird and then crawled a few feet to discover the diabolical plan Cersei had for The High Sparrow and everyone else at the trial; death by explosion. That’s right. Cersei blew up King’s Landing while she and Tommen remained in the Red Keep. If only The High Sparrow had listened to Margaery, he and his little sparrows, septums and scepters would all still be alive. Cersei’s wrath doesn’t stop there. She kidnaps Septa Unella and water boards her with wine. Cersei then takes the torment up a notch from what she received at the hands of the Septa and unleashes The Mountain upon her. Lord knows what that man-beast will do to her. She exits the room chanting “shame, shame, shame”.

Closing out the opening sequence was a shocking death. King Tommen removes his crown and jumps out the window to his death. Cersei asks for his body to be burned and his ashes spread where his grandfather, brother and sister remain. Cersei then succeeds The Iron Throne as Jamie watches from afar. A hint of disgust, possibly, in his eye?

House Frey also suffered some devastating blows. Walder Frey and his sons were executed curtesy of Arya Stark. The recent Many Faced Man graduate played the part of a young maiden serving Walder his dinner. When he asked the young woman where his sons are, she tells them right here, pointing at the food he is eating. A closer look reveals the finger of one of Walder’s sons. Arya then removes her mask and slits the throat of Walder in the same fashion her mother’s throat was slit during The Red Wedding. Thus making sure the last face he saw was of a Stark.

The Red Wedding was avenged! Hopefully Arya will find her dear Uncle Edmure and release him from his cell.

On a happier note, Samwell, Gilly and baby reach the Citadel and we all catch a glimpse of the library all other libraries dream of being.

In The North a white raven arrived from the Citadel. Winter is finally here. Sir Davos finally caught on about Shireen. Melisandre got banished and was told to ride south by Jon Snow. He also said that if she ever returns she will be hanged for murder. Even more exciting news came from The North in this episode. Lady Mormont being the tough little nugget she is calls out members of The North who failed to back Jon Snow during “The Battle of the Bastards”. After making the old men in the room realize their mistakes she names Jon Snow king of The North and the rest follow suite. However, this wasn’t the most exciting news for our new Warden of The North.

The biggest fan theory in Game of Thrones history has been confirmed! Well at least half confirmed. The Three-Eyed Raven himself, Bran Stark, took us back to the Tower of Joy and showed us Ned Stark discovering his sister Lyanna Stark in a pool of her own blood. She then whispers in his ear and asks him to promise to keep her baby safe. That baby being Jon Snow. So now, finally R+L = J (or, at the very least, x+L = J). Props to the director on the beautiful transition from baby Snow to adult Snow.

She also said the baby’s real name and possibly the biological father’s name which of course was inaudible.

Other members of House Stark also made appearances in this epic finale. Once again Sansa turns down Little Finger and Uncle Benjen leaves Bran and Meera near the wall. We learn that because Benjen is technically half dead he cannot pass through the wall as it is protected by magic; nothing undead can pass through.

Leaving the cold, we head to the more tropical weather of Dorne. Remember that place from one of the first episodes way back in April? Yea it’s still intact after all the carnage and it had two special guests; Lord Varys and Lady Olenna Tyrell. After some shade throwing, Lady Tyrell decides to align with Lord Varys who represents Daenerys and Ellaria Martell to take down Cersei once and for all.

Speaking of Dany and crew, Dany names Tyrion hand of the queen and sets sail to Westeros leaving Daairo behind to take care of Mereen. Varys rejoined the gang just as the episode (and season) closes out with a glorious birds-eye shot of Yara and Theon’s ships and Dany’s dragons.

Let the countdown to next season commence!

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

As we saw in the previous episode, “No One” Mereen is under fire from the Masters who have returned to the city to reclaim their slaves. Luckily for the citizens of Mereen Daenerys has returned with Drogon to protect her people. After trying to handle the situation with the Masters calmly and peacefully to no avail, Daenerys is forced to take action. She climbs on top of Drogon and flies out to the Master’s fleet of ships with Rhaegal and Viserion by their side torching ships until they are abandoned by their crew. On the ground Daario and the Dothraki descend upon the Sons of Harpy.

The main course of “Battle of the Bastards” took place in Winterfell. Here Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton came face to face. Ramsay took the cake for one-liners in this episode, claiming he was a man of mercy. That may have been the first time I laughed because he said something funny and not out of being uncomfortable when he was on screen. Sansa also threw some shade Ramsay’s way. I am really loving this strong and confident version of this character. Winterfell also broke some bad news for Sir Davos Seaworth. He discovered the wooden toy he handmade for Shireen whilst walking through the battle field. Poor, poor Davos. This scene broke my heart.

After the battle in Mereen ceased, Yara and Theon Greyjoy reach the city and strike a deal with Daenerys. Yara will make her people give up their current way of life, recognize Daenerys as the true Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and give 100 ships to help Daenerys set sail to Westeros. In return she will receive the Salt Throne and regain control of the Iron Islands. Oh and she will get help murdering her uncle Euron Greyjoy. Can’t forget that important detail.

Back in Winterfell the battle for the North has just begun. Ramsay starts off the battle with a quick game. He sets Rickon free and tells him to run to Jon, shooting arrows at the young Stark as he sprints to his brother. Just as Jon is about to reach his little brother Ramsay nails Rickon in the chest with an arrow, igniting Jon with tremendous fury. Someone should have told this kid to zig zag and not run directly in a straight line. Ramsay then sends his first line of cavalry charging at Jon. Just when you think it is all over for our favorite bastard, Jon’s men come to the rescue.

#Whenyourfriendshaveyourback:

via GIPHY

The slicing and dicing continues until Jon and his men are surrounded and trapped by dead bodies. Ramsay’s men then go on to play an extreme version of red rover with Jon’s men. Backed into a corner by house Bolton, the men are forced to climb onto the dead bodies. Jon unfortunately is caught in the stampede of men and is trampled upon. Luckily he is able to escape and comes up for air just in time to see Lord Petyr Baelish (aka Little Finger) and Sansa arrive with back up via the Knights of the Vale. Ramsay being the coward he is, retreats back to the castle after his men are bested. This refuge doesn’t last long, especially when you have a door-breaking giant on your side. Not wanting to look even more cowardly Ramsay agrees to a one-on-one combat match with Jon and begins firing arrows at him. Jon deflects, reaches Ramsay and begins to pummel his face. Winterfell is once again under the Stark’s reign.

By far the best part of this episode came from a combination of straight up karma and Sansa Stark. Ramsay is being held in the same holding cell where he murdered his stepmother and baby brother. After Sansa exchanges a few stern and sharp words with Ramsay she releases his hounds to feast upon him. I was praying she would murder him with her own hands but this was even better. Ramsay should have fed his hounds sooner and maybe they wouldn’t have devoured him so violently. That first snag of his face will forever haunt me. Nom, nom goodbye Ramsay!

Sansa’s character was a badass in this episode. She really stood her own ground and wasn’t afraid to put anyone in their place. This is not the same girl from earlier this season. She has really come a long way and I for one cannot wait to see what Sansa can do in the coming seasons.

On the season finale of Game of Thrones:

*this episode will be extended by 6 minutes!

Cersei and Loras’s trial

Houses Frey and Lannister celebrate victory

Petyr Baelish (Little Finger) is back to his old ways aka trying to get some from Sansa

Davos confronts Melisandre

Daenerys is “in the great game now”

Bran and possibly White Walkers????

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Sansa meets up with the traveling time wizard himself, Little Finger (does he have a G6 somewhere? how does he move so quickly?) and rips him a new one for handing her over to Ramsay. In hopes of keeping his head, Petyr offers up some news regarding The Blackfish aka Uncle Brynden Tully and his army. Just what the Starks need in order to regain Winterfell. Here’s hoping “The North Remembers.”

Arya Stark continues to get beaten with a stick for the 5^th straight episode. She may be suffering from severe neurological damage at this point along with the emotional damage she received this episode after having to watch her family’s tragic end turned into sport. Arya also does some re-con and discovers how to kill Lady Karen and gets some shade tossed her way courtesy of Jaqen H’ghar.

Speaking of shade throwers, Lord Varys was slaying Kinvara left and right. You know it’s bad if Tyrion is trying to reel it in to keep the peace. Kinvara takes a crack at Varys and quickly silences him when she mentions someone speaking to him after his member was thrown into the fire. What we all want to know is who spoke and what did they say? According to the priestess Daenerys is the one who was promised. What about Jon? Melisandre claims he is the one who was promised, although she was wrong before (R.I.P. Stannis). More evidence pointing toward the R+L=J theory. This can’t be just a coincidence. Sidebar — how many people are in this Lord of the Light cult?

Euron Greyjoy returns to claim the Salt Throne going up against his niece Yara. He wins the majority vote and is drowned and revived to become the Salt King. Continuing on his familial murder streak he asks where his niece and nephew are so that he can murder them. Luckily, Yara and Theon escape with a fleet and some back up. Euron then asks all the iron born to build him a fleet of 1,000 ships in hopes to woo Daenerys and make her his bride and simultaneously kill his kin along the way.

The Queen of Mereen finally welcomes back Jorah with open arms only to discover his grayscale. Jorah goes on to tell his Khalessi that he loves her and always will to which she demands he find a cure, heal himself and return to her as she will need him by her side when regains her kingdom.

While on the subject of unrequited love, Tormund’s quest to melt Brienne’s icy exterior continues. He’s got it bad and she knows it.

Damn you Bran! Damn you to hell! Didn’t you ever hear of the saying curiosity gets you marked and all of your friends killed? What in the name of The Seven Gods made you think that:

1. You could touch that tree and warg by yourself?
2. That you should walk toward the army of the dead?
3. That approaching The Night’s King would be smart?

The White Walkers have no chill. They murdered the very people that created them (Leaf & The Children). The Children’s exploding fireballs did not in the least bit phase them, even with Leaf’s I Am Legend style sacrifice. They walked through the flames like:

Not only did Bran get Leaf and all The Children killed, he also got the Three-Eyed Raven slaughtered by The Night’s King and his ice machete. Now Bran is the three-eyed raven. However, this was not the most depressing scene of the night. We now know what Willis was talking about. Hodor = Hold The Door.

Sacrificing himself in hopes to save Bran, Hodor uses his body to barricade the door whilst getting gnawed on by the undead. He died honorably and gracefully without gore. May he rest in peace.

Next time on Game of Thrones:

Bran and Meera are still running, very poorly might I add, from The Night’s King and his army

Samwell returns home

Margaery prepare to purge for her sins

Cersei and Jamie retaliate

Daenerys sets out to take back what is hers

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Welcome back Little Finger aka Petyr Baelish and his equally creepy nephew Robin Arryn (seriously this kid has some issues. Always wanting to throw people out of the moon door). Lord Baelish enlists the help of said nephew to send the Knights of the Veil to rescue Sansa from the Bolton’s.

Back at Castle Black, Sansa is reunited with Jon and we get a handful of really sweet brother/sister moments. Sansa then spends most of her time with Jon trying to convince him to gather the Wildlings and take the North back from Ramsay and his army. At first Jon flat out says no. He has done his fair share of fighting and doesn’t want to do it anymore. That is until a letter from Ramsay reaches Jon and stating that Ramsay is holding the youngest Stark, Rickon, hostage in his dungeon. The letter then goes on to describe how Ramsay will defile Sansa and all the Wildling women and children that are under his protection if Jon does not return his bride. Also did anyone else catch the sexual tension between Brienne of Tarth and Tormund Giantsbane?

Ramsay got a new toy in this episode. Just kidding. That b**** is dead. R.I.P. Osha.

Speaking of Ramsay’s former toys, Theon Greyjoy rejoined his iron-born brethren, although Yara was less than welcoming to her brother. Granted she thought he had only come to claim the salt throne. Continuing on the road to redemption Theon sets out to help his sister claim the salt throne.

House Tyrell and Lannister team up to save Margery and Loras from having to purge their sins in front of all of King’s Landing. Olenna Tyrell must be real desperate in order to accept help from Cersei and Jamie.

Soaking up the sun in Mereen, Tyrion makes a deal with the slave masters in Daenerys’ absence giving them 7 years to completely abolish slavery in exchange for their compliance in no longer funding the Sons of Harpy. This causes issues with Grey Worm, Missandei and the locals who are eagerly awaiting their Queen’s return.

Jorah and Daario locate Daenerys at The Temple of the Dosh Khaleen (Vaes Dothrak). They attempt a rescue after a short lived pissing match. When the two reach Daenerys, she sets an even bigger play into motion turning her trial in front of the Khal’s into a barbeque. The Mother of Dragons exits the temple unharmed and new ruler of the Dothraki. Who run the world? Daenerys!

I am left with some burning questions after Sunday’s episode:

Will the Knights of the Veil join Sansa, Jon and the Wildlings on their quest to regain the north? Are there still families in the north loyal to the Starks? Will we see more action and less exposition anytime soon?

Next week:

WHITE WALKERS & THE NIGHT’S KING!!!!!! YAHHHHHHHSSSSSS!!!!! — Hopefully this isn’t just a vision via our favorite warg Bran Stark

Not that these other clips matter but….

Sansa confronts Little Finger

Arya begins the work of the many-faced men

Yara claims the Salt Throne

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