*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

As we saw in the previous episode, “No One” Mereen is under fire from the Masters who have returned to the city to reclaim their slaves. Luckily for the citizens of Mereen Daenerys has returned with Drogon to protect her people. After trying to handle the situation with the Masters calmly and peacefully to no avail, Daenerys is forced to take action. She climbs on top of Drogon and flies out to the Master’s fleet of ships with Rhaegal and Viserion by their side torching ships until they are abandoned by their crew. On the ground Daario and the Dothraki descend upon the Sons of Harpy.

The main course of “Battle of the Bastards” took place in Winterfell. Here Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton came face to face. Ramsay took the cake for one-liners in this episode, claiming he was a man of mercy. That may have been the first time I laughed because he said something funny and not out of being uncomfortable when he was on screen. Sansa also threw some shade Ramsay’s way. I am really loving this strong and confident version of this character. Winterfell also broke some bad news for Sir Davos Seaworth. He discovered the wooden toy he handmade for Shireen whilst walking through the battle field. Poor, poor Davos. This scene broke my heart.

After the battle in Mereen ceased, Yara and Theon Greyjoy reach the city and strike a deal with Daenerys. Yara will make her people give up their current way of life, recognize Daenerys as the true Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and give 100 ships to help Daenerys set sail to Westeros. In return she will receive the Salt Throne and regain control of the Iron Islands. Oh and she will get help murdering her uncle Euron Greyjoy. Can’t forget that important detail.

Back in Winterfell the battle for the North has just begun. Ramsay starts off the battle with a quick game. He sets Rickon free and tells him to run to Jon, shooting arrows at the young Stark as he sprints to his brother. Just as Jon is about to reach his little brother Ramsay nails Rickon in the chest with an arrow, igniting Jon with tremendous fury. Someone should have told this kid to zig zag and not run directly in a straight line. Ramsay then sends his first line of cavalry charging at Jon. Just when you think it is all over for our favorite bastard, Jon’s men come to the rescue.

#Whenyourfriendshaveyourback:

via GIPHY

The slicing and dicing continues until Jon and his men are surrounded and trapped by dead bodies. Ramsay’s men then go on to play an extreme version of red rover with Jon’s men. Backed into a corner by house Bolton, the men are forced to climb onto the dead bodies. Jon unfortunately is caught in the stampede of men and is trampled upon. Luckily he is able to escape and comes up for air just in time to see Lord Petyr Baelish (aka Little Finger) and Sansa arrive with back up via the Knights of the Vale. Ramsay being the coward he is, retreats back to the castle after his men are bested. This refuge doesn’t last long, especially when you have a door-breaking giant on your side. Not wanting to look even more cowardly Ramsay agrees to a one-on-one combat match with Jon and begins firing arrows at him. Jon deflects, reaches Ramsay and begins to pummel his face. Winterfell is once again under the Stark’s reign.

By far the best part of this episode came from a combination of straight up karma and Sansa Stark. Ramsay is being held in the same holding cell where he murdered his stepmother and baby brother. After Sansa exchanges a few stern and sharp words with Ramsay she releases his hounds to feast upon him. I was praying she would murder him with her own hands but this was even better. Ramsay should have fed his hounds sooner and maybe they wouldn’t have devoured him so violently. That first snag of his face will forever haunt me. Nom, nom goodbye Ramsay!

Sansa’s character was a badass in this episode. She really stood her own ground and wasn’t afraid to put anyone in their place. This is not the same girl from earlier this season. She has really come a long way and I for one cannot wait to see what Sansa can do in the coming seasons.

On the season finale of Game of Thrones:

*this episode will be extended by 6 minutes!

Cersei and Loras’s trial

Houses Frey and Lannister celebrate victory

Petyr Baelish (Little Finger) is back to his old ways aka trying to get some from Sansa

Davos confronts Melisandre

Daenerys is “in the great game now”

Bran and possibly White Walkers????

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Uncle Benjen Stark is back from his long walk and no longer M.I.A. He was summoned by the Three-Eyed Raven aka Bran, but how? Do these mystical powers run in the Stark family or is Benjen somehow linked to the Three-Eyed Raven because The Children saved him from turning into a White Walker? What else was good ole Ben up to this whole time? Will he be the one to train Bran and prepare him for the ultimate battle against The Night’s King and his army? So many questions and not enough answers.

Holy awkward family reunion. Poor Sam and Gilly. Not only did his father, Randyll Tarly, talk down to his eldest son but also verbally abused Gilly right in front of the whole family. Gilly’s pride in Sam’s accomplishments were no match for his father’s disappointment and borderline hate for his son. However, Sam’s mother took action, sticking up for her dearest Sam and escorting the women from the table. Randyll then told Sam he had until first light to leave his home, but the baby and Gilly would be taken care of. After Gilly expressed to Sam that he is nothing like his father says, it ignites a fire in him. He decides to take action grabbing his family and his father’s sheath and leaves his family’s estate.

Back at The House of Black and White, Arya Stark is once again faced with the task of poisoning Lady Karen. She does pour the poison into her rum but just in the nick of time returns to smash it out of her hand and lets Lady Karen know her fellow actress is out to get her. Unfortunately for Arya, this proved to be a grave mistake. Waif is now tasked with killing Arya. Thankfully Arya dug up needle before going to sleep. She better sleep with one eye open if she knows what is good for her.

The Lannister and Tyrell plot to take down The High Sparrow and regain Margaery and Loras Tyrell was foiled by none other than Tommen Baratheon himself. Young Tommen declared his devotion to serve the Seven Gods and in exchange Margaery did not have to take the walk of atonement. To add insult to injury, the King then removed his own father, Jamie Lannister, from the Kings Guard and banished him from King’s Landing.

Speaking of releases from prison, another Stark uncle returns to the screen. Lord Edmure Tully is released by Walder Frey in hopes to regain Riverrun from Blackfish. For those that don’t remember, Edmure married one of Frey’s daughters during the “Red Wedding” and as the heir to Riverrun, can put House of Frey back in control of said castle. Pitting brother against brother may not be the best course of action, but it seems Edmure may be inclined to lean more toward helping the Frey’s in fear of being on the receiving end of more torture. We shall see.

Once again Daenerys is on the road back to Mereen and plotting a course to Westeros.  She and Daario determine that they will need at least 1,000 ships to get the Queen and her army of Khal to Westeros. Euron Greyjoy is jumping up and down somewhere in the distance. Drogon, who really needs to stop growing or he may obliterate GOT’s VFX budget, returns to his mother, which in turn fires up the Khal to follow their Khalessi into a war to regain the iron throne.

However, there is a bigger war coming. Time to stock up on the obsidian (dragons glass) and prepare for the epic showdown between the Three-Eyed Raven and the Night’s King and his army of White Walkers. Will we see this showdown this season? Probably not, but one can dream.

Next Week:

Jamie meets Blackfish

Olenna Tyrell and Cersei face off…. Again

Jon and Sansa make moves

Yara and Theon plot to take back the Iron Islands

The Wildlings join Jon’s quest to take back The North

Davos Seaworth knows what’s up… The Dead are coming

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Sansa meets up with the traveling time wizard himself, Little Finger (does he have a G6 somewhere? how does he move so quickly?) and rips him a new one for handing her over to Ramsay. In hopes of keeping his head, Petyr offers up some news regarding The Blackfish aka Uncle Brynden Tully and his army. Just what the Starks need in order to regain Winterfell. Here’s hoping “The North Remembers.”

Arya Stark continues to get beaten with a stick for the 5^th straight episode. She may be suffering from severe neurological damage at this point along with the emotional damage she received this episode after having to watch her family’s tragic end turned into sport. Arya also does some re-con and discovers how to kill Lady Karen and gets some shade tossed her way courtesy of Jaqen H’ghar.

Speaking of shade throwers, Lord Varys was slaying Kinvara left and right. You know it’s bad if Tyrion is trying to reel it in to keep the peace. Kinvara takes a crack at Varys and quickly silences him when she mentions someone speaking to him after his member was thrown into the fire. What we all want to know is who spoke and what did they say? According to the priestess Daenerys is the one who was promised. What about Jon? Melisandre claims he is the one who was promised, although she was wrong before (R.I.P. Stannis). More evidence pointing toward the R+L=J theory. This can’t be just a coincidence. Sidebar — how many people are in this Lord of the Light cult?

Euron Greyjoy returns to claim the Salt Throne going up against his niece Yara. He wins the majority vote and is drowned and revived to become the Salt King. Continuing on his familial murder streak he asks where his niece and nephew are so that he can murder them. Luckily, Yara and Theon escape with a fleet and some back up. Euron then asks all the iron born to build him a fleet of 1,000 ships in hopes to woo Daenerys and make her his bride and simultaneously kill his kin along the way.

The Queen of Mereen finally welcomes back Jorah with open arms only to discover his grayscale. Jorah goes on to tell his Khalessi that he loves her and always will to which she demands he find a cure, heal himself and return to her as she will need him by her side when regains her kingdom.

While on the subject of unrequited love, Tormund’s quest to melt Brienne’s icy exterior continues. He’s got it bad and she knows it.

Damn you Bran! Damn you to hell! Didn’t you ever hear of the saying curiosity gets you marked and all of your friends killed? What in the name of The Seven Gods made you think that:

1. You could touch that tree and warg by yourself?
2. That you should walk toward the army of the dead?
3. That approaching The Night’s King would be smart?

The White Walkers have no chill. They murdered the very people that created them (Leaf & The Children). The Children’s exploding fireballs did not in the least bit phase them, even with Leaf’s I Am Legend style sacrifice. They walked through the flames like:

Not only did Bran get Leaf and all The Children killed, he also got the Three-Eyed Raven slaughtered by The Night’s King and his ice machete. Now Bran is the three-eyed raven. However, this was not the most depressing scene of the night. We now know what Willis was talking about. Hodor = Hold The Door.

Sacrificing himself in hopes to save Bran, Hodor uses his body to barricade the door whilst getting gnawed on by the undead. He died honorably and gracefully without gore. May he rest in peace.

Next time on Game of Thrones:

Bran and Meera are still running, very poorly might I add, from The Night’s King and his army

Samwell returns home

Margaery prepare to purge for her sins

Cersei and Jamie retaliate

Daenerys sets out to take back what is hers

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He has risen.

Members of the Game of Thrones Fandom rejoiced after Sunday’s episode. Jon Snow’s fate was finally revealed. I haven’t been this excited since Joffrey died (sorry, not sorry).

*** Stop right here if you have not seen tonight’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS LIE AHEAD ***

And the verdict is……

HE’S ALIVE!!!!!!

via GIPHY

This was one of the highs of the episode. The majority of the hour was, well…. To say dark would be a gross understatement.
Ramsay goes on a murder spree after he learns his father’s wife, Lady Bolton, has bore a son; a direct threat to his succession of the throne as this baby is not a bastard. Ramsay begins his spree by murdering his father in cold blood (does Game of Thrones really do it any other way?). Stabbing him right in front of the man who delivered news of the healthy baby to Lord Bolton. He then demands said man send word to the North that Lord Bolton was poisoned by his enemies. Ramsay then asks for Lady Bolton and the baby. She is under the impression that Lord Bolton has sent for her. She soon learns of Ramsay’s deed and pleads for her life and her newborn son’s. To which Ramsay replies “I always preferred being an only child”. Then this f****** savage whistles to his hounds who descend upon the defenseless duo. They are shredded to bits off screen although we can hear their screams.

The Greyjoys are also on the receiving end of murder by relative. In this case Balon Greyjoy is pushed off of a rickety, old, wooden bridge (they really should fix that) by his brother Euron Greyjoy, a member of the Iron Islands clan who is known for being a feared pirate on the high seas. Yara Greyjoy watches as her father’s body is pushed out to sea. She believes she is the heir to the throne but learns that may not be the case, as successors of the Salt Throne are determined by a Kingsmoot (a traditional ceremony held by inhabitants of the Iron Islands in which kings were chosen by longship captains). Yara states she will find out who killed her father and feed them, alive, to the sharks. This all awaits Theon as he ventures his way back to the Iron Islands.

While we’re on the topic of murder…. The Night’s Watch have been overthrown by Eddison Tollett and a band of Wildlings. All involved with Jon’s murder have been locked away. Their fate to be determined.
On a lighter note. Welcome back Bran Stark! In this episode we see Bran training with the Three-Eyed Raven. In his training we get to see a young Ned Stark and Rickard Stark (sidebar — what happened to this guy?) sparing. We also catch a glimpse Lyanna Stark, whom we know very little about. However, what we do know is that Ned did not like to speak of her. Did something tragic happen to her as well? Bran also sees a young Hodor, whose real name is Willis. In this vision we see Hodor is able to speak and fight.

The young Arya Stark also completes a part of her training and moves on to the next phase in becoming a face-less man. She is no longer a beggar. We are once again graced with the presence of Jaqen H’ghar. What exactly does he have in store for her? It looks like we will find out more next week.
Back at King’s Landing, Tommen and Jamie attend the funeral of Myrcella. Cersei is not invited to attend. After mourning his beloved sister, Tommen returns to his mother’s side and apologizes for not being strong enough to protect Cersei from her infamous walk of shame. He then proceeds to ask for her help in becoming a stronger leader.
Tyrion, Tyrion, Tyrion. His one-liners are on point this episode. Our favorite Lannister decides to take it upon himself to interact with Viserion and Rhaegal (Daenerys’ dragons). After a few heart-pounding moments and a sweet childhood story, he is able to gain the trust of the dragons and unchain them. After briskly walking away from his new dragon friends, Tyrion tells Lord Varys to punch him in the face next time he comes up with an idea like that.
So now that Jon has gotten a haircut, beard trim, a bath, oh and let’s not forget a resurrection all at the hands of Melisandre, what will our Lord and Commander do with his second chance at life?
Next Week:
Jon is reintroduced to all at Castle Black.
Arya and Bran continue their training.
Daenerys makes her way to The Temple of the Dosh Khaleen (Vaes Dothrak).
Ramsay receives a gift.

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