*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. YOU REALLY DON’T WANT THIS EPIC HOUR (and 9 minutes) OF TELEVISION TO BE SPOILED***

The episode opens up with contrasting shots of The High Sparrow (who represents the people) and King Tommen (who represents the high born) getting ready for Cersei and Loras’s trial. Loras Tyrell, stripped of his luscious curls and fine clothing kneels before The High Sparrow and renounces his title, land and everything else his high born status comes with and becomes a Scepter of The Seven. He is then marked and promises to never marry or bear children. Coincidentally little children played a large role in the 25 minute opening scene.

The “Little Birds” lured Grand Maester Pycelle to his death, brutally stabbing him. While this was happening another Little Bird was being chased down by Lancel Lannister. This proved to be a poor choice on his part. He consequently was stabbed in the kidney by said bird and then crawled a few feet to discover the diabolical plan Cersei had for The High Sparrow and everyone else at the trial; death by explosion. That’s right. Cersei blew up King’s Landing while she and Tommen remained in the Red Keep. If only The High Sparrow had listened to Margaery, he and his little sparrows, septums and scepters would all still be alive. Cersei’s wrath doesn’t stop there. She kidnaps Septa Unella and water boards her with wine. Cersei then takes the torment up a notch from what she received at the hands of the Septa and unleashes The Mountain upon her. Lord knows what that man-beast will do to her. She exits the room chanting “shame, shame, shame”.

Closing out the opening sequence was a shocking death. King Tommen removes his crown and jumps out the window to his death. Cersei asks for his body to be burned and his ashes spread where his grandfather, brother and sister remain. Cersei then succeeds The Iron Throne as Jamie watches from afar. A hint of disgust, possibly, in his eye?

House Frey also suffered some devastating blows. Walder Frey and his sons were executed curtesy of Arya Stark. The recent Many Faced Man graduate played the part of a young maiden serving Walder his dinner. When he asked the young woman where his sons are, she tells them right here, pointing at the food he is eating. A closer look reveals the finger of one of Walder’s sons. Arya then removes her mask and slits the throat of Walder in the same fashion her mother’s throat was slit during The Red Wedding. Thus making sure the last face he saw was of a Stark.

The Red Wedding was avenged! Hopefully Arya will find her dear Uncle Edmure and release him from his cell.

On a happier note, Samwell, Gilly and baby reach the Citadel and we all catch a glimpse of the library all other libraries dream of being.

In The North a white raven arrived from the Citadel. Winter is finally here. Sir Davos finally caught on about Shireen. Melisandre got banished and was told to ride south by Jon Snow. He also said that if she ever returns she will be hanged for murder. Even more exciting news came from The North in this episode. Lady Mormont being the tough little nugget she is calls out members of The North who failed to back Jon Snow during “The Battle of the Bastards”. After making the old men in the room realize their mistakes she names Jon Snow king of The North and the rest follow suite. However, this wasn’t the most exciting news for our new Warden of The North.

The biggest fan theory in Game of Thrones history has been confirmed! Well at least half confirmed. The Three-Eyed Raven himself, Bran Stark, took us back to the Tower of Joy and showed us Ned Stark discovering his sister Lyanna Stark in a pool of her own blood. She then whispers in his ear and asks him to promise to keep her baby safe. That baby being Jon Snow. So now, finally R+L = J (or, at the very least, x+L = J). Props to the director on the beautiful transition from baby Snow to adult Snow.

She also said the baby’s real name and possibly the biological father’s name which of course was inaudible.

Other members of House Stark also made appearances in this epic finale. Once again Sansa turns down Little Finger and Uncle Benjen leaves Bran and Meera near the wall. We learn that because Benjen is technically half dead he cannot pass through the wall as it is protected by magic; nothing undead can pass through.

Leaving the cold, we head to the more tropical weather of Dorne. Remember that place from one of the first episodes way back in April? Yea it’s still intact after all the carnage and it had two special guests; Lord Varys and Lady Olenna Tyrell. After some shade throwing, Lady Tyrell decides to align with Lord Varys who represents Daenerys and Ellaria Martell to take down Cersei once and for all.

Speaking of Dany and crew, Dany names Tyrion hand of the queen and sets sail to Westeros leaving Daairo behind to take care of Mereen. Varys rejoined the gang just as the episode (and season) closes out with a glorious birds-eye shot of Yara and Theon’s ships and Dany’s dragons.

Let the countdown to next season commence!

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No one was safe in Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones. “I choose violence” was the slogan for this week’s episode of Thrones. It was practically the only theme in “No One”, granted there were a few clips of comic relief courtesy of Tyrion and Bronn. Tyrion also let us in on what he wants to be when he grows up; a vineyard owner. His wine would be called The Imp’s Delight. Who wouldn’t buy that? HBO if you are not already on this, first off shame on you and secondly give me a call and we’ll get this ball rolling.

*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. I mean unless you like spoilers…***

Heads were rolling freely in this week’s Thrones. The Clegane brothers were both back in action, slaying the day away. The Hound chose to use an axe to brutalize and decapitate his enemies while his brother, The Mountain, opted to use his bare hands, which was freaking awesome by the way!

Back in Braavos Arya weak and bleeding, made her way back to Lady Crane who helped heal Arya’s wounds. Unfortunately this would prove to be fatal for the Lady as she is murdered by Waif mere hours after dressing Arya’s wounds. Arya and Waif then play a short game of cat and mouse only for Arya to kill her and walk away victorious. Arya then heads back to the House of Black and White and confronts Jaqen H’ghar where she learns she has finally become no one. She turns the table on Jaqen H’ghar and tells him she is not no one. She is Arya Stark from Winterfell and she is going home.

Speaking of going home, Lord Varys sets sail for Westeros and Daenerys returns to Mereen just in the nick of time. The masters have sailed to Mereen to reclaim their slaves, burning down everything in their path.

At King’s Landing King Tommen delivers the biggest slap in the face to his own mother by banishing trail by combat, calling the practice barbaric and cowardly. Instead he informs Cersei and everyone else in the room that Cersei and Lancel will stand trial by seven septums like how it was back in the olden days.

Cersei’s face after hearing the announcement:

via GIPHY

Riverrun was no walk in the park either. #pooredmure

As predicted Edmure regained control of The Castle at Riverrun and ordered his men to stand down. This did not sit well with Blackfish, who according to one of Jamie’s men, died fighting. As we all know well by now, if a character is not killed on screen then there is a chance that character is not actually dead. Only time will tell.

Podrick and Brienne also join the ranks at Riverrun. Podrick received some fighting lessons from Bronn while Brienne shared some sweet moments with Jamie. In hopes to not have to battle Jamie and defend Sansa’s kin, Brienne attempted to persuade Blackfish to hand over the castle to Jamie. He flat out refuses but helps ensure that Podrick and Brienne are able to escape the castle safely.

Next on Game of Thrones:

Jon and his army take on the Bolton’s to regain the North.

Can you believe there are only two episodes left? Where does the time go?

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*** Stop right here if you have not seen Sunday’s episode. MAJOR SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY***

Uncle Benjen Stark is back from his long walk and no longer M.I.A. He was summoned by the Three-Eyed Raven aka Bran, but how? Do these mystical powers run in the Stark family or is Benjen somehow linked to the Three-Eyed Raven because The Children saved him from turning into a White Walker? What else was good ole Ben up to this whole time? Will he be the one to train Bran and prepare him for the ultimate battle against The Night’s King and his army? So many questions and not enough answers.

Holy awkward family reunion. Poor Sam and Gilly. Not only did his father, Randyll Tarly, talk down to his eldest son but also verbally abused Gilly right in front of the whole family. Gilly’s pride in Sam’s accomplishments were no match for his father’s disappointment and borderline hate for his son. However, Sam’s mother took action, sticking up for her dearest Sam and escorting the women from the table. Randyll then told Sam he had until first light to leave his home, but the baby and Gilly would be taken care of. After Gilly expressed to Sam that he is nothing like his father says, it ignites a fire in him. He decides to take action grabbing his family and his father’s sheath and leaves his family’s estate.

Back at The House of Black and White, Arya Stark is once again faced with the task of poisoning Lady Karen. She does pour the poison into her rum but just in the nick of time returns to smash it out of her hand and lets Lady Karen know her fellow actress is out to get her. Unfortunately for Arya, this proved to be a grave mistake. Waif is now tasked with killing Arya. Thankfully Arya dug up needle before going to sleep. She better sleep with one eye open if she knows what is good for her.

The Lannister and Tyrell plot to take down The High Sparrow and regain Margaery and Loras Tyrell was foiled by none other than Tommen Baratheon himself. Young Tommen declared his devotion to serve the Seven Gods and in exchange Margaery did not have to take the walk of atonement. To add insult to injury, the King then removed his own father, Jamie Lannister, from the Kings Guard and banished him from King’s Landing.

Speaking of releases from prison, another Stark uncle returns to the screen. Lord Edmure Tully is released by Walder Frey in hopes to regain Riverrun from Blackfish. For those that don’t remember, Edmure married one of Frey’s daughters during the “Red Wedding” and as the heir to Riverrun, can put House of Frey back in control of said castle. Pitting brother against brother may not be the best course of action, but it seems Edmure may be inclined to lean more toward helping the Frey’s in fear of being on the receiving end of more torture. We shall see.

Once again Daenerys is on the road back to Mereen and plotting a course to Westeros.  She and Daario determine that they will need at least 1,000 ships to get the Queen and her army of Khal to Westeros. Euron Greyjoy is jumping up and down somewhere in the distance. Drogon, who really needs to stop growing or he may obliterate GOT’s VFX budget, returns to his mother, which in turn fires up the Khal to follow their Khalessi into a war to regain the iron throne.

However, there is a bigger war coming. Time to stock up on the obsidian (dragons glass) and prepare for the epic showdown between the Three-Eyed Raven and the Night’s King and his army of White Walkers. Will we see this showdown this season? Probably not, but one can dream.

Next Week:

Jamie meets Blackfish

Olenna Tyrell and Cersei face off…. Again

Jon and Sansa make moves

Yara and Theon plot to take back the Iron Islands

The Wildlings join Jon’s quest to take back The North

Davos Seaworth knows what’s up… The Dead are coming

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